Dear Jasmine (for when you start college)

Let me tell you a little something about the first year of college.

You will make mistakes. Everyone does.

I am just about to finish my first year of college and next year I’m moving in with May at APU, hopefully I will be able to make a better life for myself there. I’m trying. We all are. You have only four more years until you will be in my same position, hopefully with less mistakes up your sleeve. So here are a few little tips I wish I had known before I started college:

1. First off, it is easy to get away with anything. The ability to get alcohol or drugs or break the rules or whatever is way too easy. There's always someone who knows someone who is 21. It is always accessible. You don't even have to look for it. Your friends will do it. It will seem normal. You will want to experience the fullness of college and all it’s crazy extravaganzas. 95% of the time you're breaking some sort of law. (And no one ever wears seat belts) I didn't expect that even at a conservative baptist school there would be so much partying. But college is still college no matter where you go. It’s crazy how easily you can get away with things. This isn’t an excuse to make bad decisions. Be prepared that no matter how sheltered a school is, it is still college and everyone is still trying to figure out what to do with their new unadulterated freedom. Temptation is out there. Strength is in your knowledge. Know what’s out there and you can't be taken off guard.
2. Secondly, bad decisions don’t make you a bad person. You will mess up. You will party a little. You will kiss a few frogs. It happens. Don’t use this as an excuse to make poor decisions but also be aware you will slip sometimes and that doesn’t make you a terrible person. You are human. And you will make mistakes, willingly and unwillingly, drunk and sober, morning and night. Temptation is everywhere.  
3. Thirdly, be single. For crying out loud be single. This is a time to find yourself and who you want to be. It is impossible to try and date someone when you don’t even know who you are yet. Boys don’t really turn into men, although they may look like men, they don’t become men until later on in life. College freshman boys don't suddenly become all grown up the summer after graduation. Big sister tip: wait and go for the older guys. 
4. Fourthly, you will struggle with God. Your faith will tug and pull and there will be highs and lows and you will grow and wilt. You will get lost then found then lost again. You will question everything you have ever come to know or believe in. The devil leaves no stone unturned when tempting you. But in the same way, God leaves no stone unturned when healing you. Stay strong. Your faith is everything. You can fail every test and course you ever take but you can never fail with God. Because in the end. That’s all you’ll have. It will be hard to keep your faith and look towards God and you will fall away. Everyone does. Just remember to go back to Him. You will hurt and you will cry, a lot during this process.
5. Speaking of crying, you think you cried a lot before? You have no idea how many tears you will shed in just your freshman year of college. I don't typically cry, but I had cried more times in just this first year of college then in all my life together. You will stress cry, you will cry tears of sorrow and tears of fear and tears of shame, you will cry tears of laughter and tears of joy. You will also just sometimes cry just because sometimes you need a good cry. Life is overwhelming, crying is the human body’s way of trying to purge out the toxins of the world from your sweet soul. Allow yourself to sit in down in the shower every once in a while and just cry, because life is tough. Especially when you're 18 and trying to figure out when to act like a child and when to act like an adult.
6. Be outgoing and make friends with everyone! Meet new people every day. Everyone is on their own when they start college and everyone wants to go hang out with the cute big eyed, long legged, blondie with the cute giggle and the dorky faces and voices. You are beautiful and your laughter is infectious, so go and infect the world. The more people you meet, the broader range you have to chose from. You want to spread your arms wide then be able to collect a few good friends you do everything with. You’re going to want to have your girls around. But it is still nice to know that you have other friends you can go to if your close friends bug you, because they will. Everyone will bug you.
7. Living so close to other people will bug you. They will touch your things, they will take your clothes and they won’t wash them or put them back and you may never see your favorite shirt ever again. They will sleep in your bed and make you sleep on the couch. They will overstep their boundaries because just like you, this way of living will be new to them. And not everyone is a true friend. Remember, who ever you surround yourself with, you will become like them in 5 years. So when you meet someone and you’re considering hanging out with them, think, do I want to be like them in five years? Just because you like hanging around someone doesn't mean you want to become like them. Keep four quarters not a hundred pennies. Surround yourself with people you encourage and inspire you. Be kind to everyone but keep close those who are going to be good and true friends. This is so every important.
8. Also important, I am not going to judge you on your mistakes you make. So call me. Whether you're drunk and at a party or someones house or you're stranded somewhere because some “friends” abandoned you, or whether you just feel like shit and you want to vent and cry and need to tell someone what’s going on, no matter what, call me. I want you to know that you can tell me literally anything. That's what sisters are for. They are there to tell everything to. They are there to be the person who will never judge you or make you feel worse for making mistakes. Big sisters are there to guide you. They are there to beat up whoever tries to lay a finger on you. They are there to back you up when you stand up for yourself. They are there to cuddle and cry into when the whole world is after you. If you are just stressed or tired or need a hug, call me. If you made a mistake and you feel guilty about it and don't feel like you can talk to anyone about it, call me. When in doubt, call me. That’s what big sisters are for. So call me. Happy or sad, call me!

This time in your life is about change. You will find yourself growing up faster than you can take a breath. But just like the song from Spirit, remember who you are. 

Jasmine, you are so unique. You balance on a fine line between this world and the next. You see things no one has ever seen and you experience life in an entirely different way. You understand the world for what it is and you see it for what it could be. You are kind and sweet and know what it feels like to be scared. 

Something I have come to learn in this past year is that God doesn’t allow us to get hurt or to feel scared because we make mistakes but rather for an entirely different reason. We make mistakes and we get hurt, we feel the terrible and we experience the worst, but not so that we can just simply know and experience the world so we can be a better person. 

But rather it is those experiences, those times of trial where we push ourselves to become strong not for ourselves but for others. 

You are sensitive so you know how to treat sensitive people. 

You cry so you know how to comfort others when they cry. 

You get scared because this would is fucking scary. IT’S TERRIFYING! 

There’s danger around every corner and tragedy is always ready to strike. 

You get scared and you see the dangers of the world so you can protect people.

But most of all, you are so strong so you can make others strong.

Like I mentioned before, knowledge is power, knowledge is strength. You know the true fears of the world, the true darkness that lies beneath the mask of the world and you know how to deal with it. Your deep and rooted moral compass is something I wish I had. Your gut feelings are truer than what the world, including your friends, will tell you. Trust it. And when in doubt, call me. 

Good luck Weenie,

Your loving big (yet shorter) older sister, Summer

A kind soul

Lately I've been having kind of a rough time. Getting close to the Lord is hard, the devil makes sure of that, but being away from the Lord is harder. I chose my hard, and it’s hard, I wouldn't expect it to be any less. But lately, since my most recent showdown with God, my chronic scowl has been a little more on the extreme side due to thinking so hard and talking so intensively with God. I've set myself up for a plan. Because I am transferring schools, I get a new start, a new fresh beginning, like this first year of college was the trial run and now it’s time to really get down to business. My three main goals, going from least important to most important, are: Healthy Life, Healthy Body, and Healthy Spirit.

Get money, Get fit, and Get God. 

That’s my motto. 

I keep having to remind myself to take it step by step, day by day, moment by moment. I’m getting there. It’s a process, not a one step solution. 

As I travel on this journey to better myself I find it harder and harder to see the kindness in the world. Everyone seems to have so much hurt and pain that that’s all they give out. It’s hard to have your eyes opened by God. I imagine the man in the Bible who was given sight by Jesus and all I want to ask him is what he thought when he first saw the world. Did he see the pain and the hurt and the ugly or did he see the beauty and the kindness and the joy? I've noticed that when the eyes of my heart go from open to close to open to close, I can quickly see the difference. When they're closed, everything is the same shade of gray, nothing really is separated from the next; sins, blessings, curses, prayers, it all fades into one another and becomes one big gray world. 

But when they eyes of my heart are opened, everything is in bright colors and beauty is everywhere. The light is clear, but so is the darkness. 

Nothing is gray matter, everything seems clear, then slowly but surely my eyes will close and everything will fade to gray again, but that’s life, a series of ups and downs. 

But right now, my eyes are fresh and open and looking all around. And this morning, on my way back from a brutal gym time of sweat and snot and congestion (i’m getting a cold) I found a kind soul. My face was fire hot red and my muscles were shaking from such an intense workout and I was sniffling from my growing cold. As I was walking back to my little cute cottage I pass a young man, slightly awkward but sweet looking, I didn't really think much of him as I barely smiled and passed him. 

So I continue walking, worship blasting in my headphones. He walks back towards me and waves me down to get my attention. Removing my earbuds he asks “Hey are you okay?” In a kind gentle voice. Startled I could barely get out “Yea, I just have a cold so my nose is kind of running.....but, thanks.” “Okay, well have a nice day!” “You too” I smile again, still struck that someone could be so kind to a complete stranger like me. It was small and doesn't seem like much but it meant a lot to me, to be noticed.

This kind of simply humanity is what I always find is missing in the world. Why is is so startling, so foreign, so different that a human being would check on another human being. I admire the bravery, the courage of that kind soul who took a moment out of his day, probably stressed about getting to class, whatever his life contains, he took a moment to recognize that I may not be okay and he stepped forward, took a chivalrous action. How brave, how kind, how sweet, how Christ-like, how beautiful. 

“In the end, only kindness matter.”

 You sir, wherever you may be, thank you, thank you for being a kind human being. You are wonderful and I wish I could be more like you in your bravery and selflessness to care for a stranger, a fellow human. You, sir, are admirable and those few seconds of honest and pure kindness mattered a lot to me today. Thank you. 

Imagine

Imagine how many times we as humans have probably broken God’s heart. In our sin, in our rebellion, in our hurting, in our causing of pain. With our wars, our massacres, our devious plans, our jealousy, our selfishness. And yet He still returns, He still loves us, He still keeps pulling on us the way the sea pulls on the shore, for all of eternity until we finally return to Him.

Imagine looking at humanity from God's eyes. 

These things, these pieces of art, these masterpieces you have spent so much time and energy on creating, each and every detail so purposeful, and yet, they hate themselves, they harm each other, they ignore you, they resent you, they reject you. 

Imagine the pain you would feel if something, not just anything, but everything you have spent your existence on, companions made for you by you, just said no. 

"But I made you! I want you! I love you! Don't I deserve you! I created you! I would die for you!"

This is what I would probably say to these things I poured so much love into.

Imagine pouring all your love into something you have made, like a song, or a painting, or a sculpture, or a novel, and in return that thing turns to you and say "No!" 

Rejects you completely, hates you and then destroys itself. Your heart would be shattered. 

Now imagine looking at yourself in the mirror after being rejected by your own creation and turning yourself into your creation. Turning yourself into the song, the painting, the sculpture, the novel, and entering the world you placed your creation in, as your creation, 

and then dying. 

Imagine dying for something you love so deeply and have loved and will love forever. 

Hoping that FINALLY maybe your creation, your song, your painting, your sculpture, your novel will see how much you love it and love you in return. 

But no, once again it rejects you, and continues on in its existence of hurting itself and all of your other songs, paintings, sculptures, and novels. 

Imagine the pain you would feel. Watching these things you hand crafted and love so deeply, destroy themselves.

Imagine how heartbroken you would get. 

Imagine how you would feel. 

Wouldn't you want to just give up? 

Well, God doesn't give up. 

He keeps loving. 

He keeps pulling on His masterpiece. 

He wants only to love and be loved by the one thing He so dearly desires, 

You. 

Just imagine. 

Sometimes it take the scraping fall to know how to land.

So for a while now I've been going through some typical college freshman problems.  Friends, boys, classes, partying, medical things, finding myself, deciding on my future. 

I would consider myself on the extreme side when it comes to spirituality in nature.  

If I can’t hear the birds chirping, the waves crashing, the wind blowing or something out in the sky, I feel numb. 

Lately I had been feeling so numb. Emotionally, physically, mentally, numb. All I wanted to do was sleep, all day every day. Some could classify this as a sign of depression. I would specify it more as a spiritual depression but I classify this as a lack of communication. Lack of communication with myself, with the world around me, but most importantly, a lack of communication with Him. That big guy upstairs hadn't been coming down stairs lately. I would find myself constantly questioning every single last thing I’ve ever believed in or been taught about God. His very existence was even in question, let alone his teachings I vowed to follow.

My friends’ lives seem to consist of partying, stressing about classes, crappy fast food, drinking, hooking up with people, more drinking, and more stress. 

I used to think I could be completely alone in my faith and still be strong. Turns out it’s pretty impossible to stay true to yourself when all you hear about 24/7 is shitty radio music, parties, drama, and binge drinking. It’s like no one can just hang out, there’s always got to be booze. What happened to waking up before the rest of the world and cooking fantabulous breakfasts and reading and being creative and spending the days talking to God about whatever pops into my mind. What happened to having people around me who have morals and standards? 

College happened. And I was not prepared. 

I guess there was no way I could have ever been prepared. Sometimes it takes the scraping fall to know how to stand. I know i'm being harsh. I'm kind of harsh. Life is harsh. 

When you're numb, you like to test it. Test just how numb you really are. You'll do stupid things just to feel something. It’s different for everyone. Some people try sexual things, some people try drugs, some people try alcohol, I tried falling. Now I'm not saying I ever purposefully fell and harmed myself. Not at all. I'm simply saying that if I was climbing a boulder or jumping over a fence, I wasn't going to cut it short in fear of falling and getting hurt. I just didn't have a fear of falling. Never have. Never will. Falling doesn't really scare me, physically that is. Emotionally or mentally falling, now that is on the top of my short list of fears. 

Bruises and scrapes and cuts are battle wounds to me. Life is a battle, we are constantly at war: war with ourselves, war with each other, war with God. The world and everyone in it, is always at war.  

But when I stop feeling the need to fight, that is when something is seriously wrong. When I begin to wake up in the morning with zero motivation to open my eyes, it’s not because I hate the mornings, in fact I'm a “sun shining out of my ass” type of morning person, but when I personally wake up and feel no need to begin the day, I know I'm not doing well. I can fall and get right back up before I can even think about shedding a tear. Physically I can withstand pain. But emotionally, the absolute worst, most agonizing pain I can and will ever feel is the feeling of being numb. Numb in my mind, numb in my creativity, numb in my heart. 

So I guess you could say I was depressed. 

This does not mean I was wanting to go kill myself or anything. I simply was depressed. 

My body felt heavy, not fat, but heavy. My shoulders hanging low and my eyes barely open. Like a walking talking fake smiling zombie. None of my friends could have known or maybe will ever know that I was going through that. They don’t know me well enough and haven't known me long enough to understand when somethings up (or down) with me. 

Thursdays are like our fridays when it comes to late night plans, and one thursday night we decided to have a bonfire. The typical routine occurred, figuring out what we wanted to do, everyone getting stressed and loud, trying to find someone to buy us booze, everyone being stressed about it, finding out how to pay for it, everyone still loud and stressing, and finally heading down to the fire pit area. An area with open desert hills and plains, hidden from the city and the main street, a common place for college kids to go hang out late at night. Me and the guys went around in the trucks picking up some wood then getting to the spot. We went off roading, me and the boys, kicking up dirt and going places we maybe shouldn't go, waiting for the rest of the gang to show up with the alcohol. It was a typical night, feeling numb as ever. 

The less stressful half of the girls finally show up, drama and all about our two most stressful friends, and begin to party. I was in the mood to run so I did. I ran up the hill toward the entrance, and then the next, and the next, I just kept running. One of my friends decided to follow me (they still haven't caught on to my need to be alone sometimes, they still worry every time I leave their sight and always come and spoil my personal moments). I lay down to take a breather and she comes and sits next to me. My other friend (the one who wants us to be more than friends) starts to drive on over to find us and I being pissed off from them hovering, run off. I just kept running, through the tall grassy hills with the stars above me and the half moon glowing, I ran. I climbed and scaled down sharp walls of dirt and spiky grass. I didn't care about falling or the bruises or scrapes I was getting. 

The gutter was filled with water so I laid on the hill near it hiding from my friends and watched cars drive by. After hearing my friend’s truck drive by my hiding spot a few times I thought I'd go back and let them know I wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere and that I just wanted to be alone for a bit. 

So I return to the pit. My other friends show up with the booze and begin to drink, offering me multiple times. I wasn't in the mood, even for just one beer.  

Annoyed, I leave again. Running the other direction this time. Away from the street and into the desert hills. And of course the same two friends follow me. Maybe I should start telling them it’s not unusual for me to just run off sometimes. Maybe they'd stop following me. 

So I keep running and they keep following. 

Eventually, I get to the top of one of the hills where my girlfriend has already reached because she ran ahead and show off a little. My asthma likes to kick in right when I'm finally feeling good so it takes me a little longer to reach the top and the friend who likes me stays with me as I heave my way to the top. My lungs ablaze and all. But I don’t stop, I keep walking. I reach the top and keep moving onto the next hill. The friend who stayed with me tries to follow but I finally tell him to just stay and let me be alone for a bit. I also secretly wanted him to hang out with my other friend, hoping he would stop having feelings for me and begin connecting with her.  

So I keep running, my lungs on fire and filled with dirt and secondhand smoke. I run until I can’t see my friends any more and I land on the top of a hill in the center of all the hills, not the tallest one but still a great view of the dreadful city and beautiful stars. 

I begin to talk aloud with God, or more like talk at God. 

“What’s going on. Why can't I feel anything, huh? Sorry I haven't talked to you at all lately. I'm just not in a good place.” 

My monologue continues, hitting all the different failing aspects of my life “Look, I don't want to be your little princess. I'm not some dainty little fragile thing that needs to be kept safe. Come on put me on the front lines. I need to be active. Why can't I be the strong one? Oh and where’s my husband? Will I even get to have one? Where have you been? Why can't I just live in the hills forever, huh? Hello!?! Are you even there? Have you ever been there? Or am I just a psycho talking to myself in the dark. Hello!? Answer me! Where the hell are you? Fuck, WHERE ARE YOU!? HELLO!!!??!” Screaming at the sky, trying to get my quiet voice out into the stars I feel defeated.

Then I wait, silent, waiting for something, anything, hoping a big booming voice will come raining down from the heavens and speak profoundly into me and tell me what to do. I hear some bird whistle and fly by. My mom has always been a bird, and me her baby. The wind begins to pick up, we've had a lot of wind lately in the area by my school. It starts to get a little stronger, gradual at first, then begins to pick up pace, getting stronger and stronger. I start to become frightened as the gust becomes so strong, it knocks me to my knees.

I know.

I begin to weep, every time the wind seems to be at its strongest it grows stronger. With my hands and nails digging into the sandy dirt, my forehead on the ground by my hands covered in sweat, tears, and snot, I wale. Like a child I cry out, terrified. Never so scared in my entire life (and I don't scare easily). He surrounds me. I keep thinking it’s going to stop but it doesn’t. It continues, like a desert storm pinning my into the dry soft soil with no end in sight. Finally I scream “OKAY! I get it I see you!” 

Frozen, in awe of what is happening. My mind becomes empty and I feel a sort of terrified peace. 

The numbness disappears. 

I feel everything. 

I quickly pray, I know I see you now but I may fall again. Please always remind me. 

The wind slowly calms but never stops and slowly I rise off my knees, once fire hot and sweating, not shivering and trying to bundle up. I stand, shaking, partly cold and partly still scared. Frozen and silent I begin to speak to Him in my mind, how do I go back to my friends without making a scene. I'm no longer numb. How to I explain that to them? Should I even say anything? Lord, stay with me. Be with me. I’m scared and I need you. Mold me, craft me, tell me what to do, lead me, Lord. I slowly walk the path I had earlier ran to quickly on. I feel the presence of two large beings on either side of me. I feel safe in this now mildly scary place. He guys. Long time, no feel. Good to feel you again. 

My guardian angels. 

Wow I ran really far. Did I really not realize I was running this far away. My goodness, what is this like ten miles? 

I finally find where I had left my two friends, surprised they were still there and hadn't walked back to the bonfire. My guy friend stands and hugs me, seeing that something has just happened, he holds me tight. I’m in such shock I can't even lift my arms to hug him back. My girlfriend just stands with her back to us looking off into the city lights. She doesn't hug me. 

He asks if I'm good now and I say no. 

Because I wasn't good, but I wasn't numb anymore and there was no way of explaining that to him. 

I look over to my girlfriend and we begin walking, wanting to share with her my experience I am barely able to get the words out

“I heard Him.” 

“Who?”

I simply motion to the sky. 

“God? That’s cool.” 

Not really the reaction I was expecting. I half hoped she would jump up and down and be filled with the Holy Spirit and want to hear all the details of my experience with God. But not everyone is who you hope them to be. I say to my guy-friend, “I just needed a moment.” “I understand.” 

But do you really? Will you ever? 

My girlfriend starts telling me a brief summary of what they were talking about while I was gone and rambles about some jokes and what not. As we walk down the hill we find some more wood panels to burn for the bonfire and carry them down.

 Wow I ran really far. This brush is a lot taller when you're just walking not leaping through it. Are we still not back yet. 

We finally get back to the party, just in time to add to the dying fire. My other friends have already gone through most of the beer and half of the fireball and all of whatever else they brought. As I stand by the fire, my friend who likes me more than just a friend comes over and stands by me, asking again if I was alright. 

He’s kind and caring but we will never be together. No matter how kind he is, we don't see eye-to-eye about God and a few other things. 

So I briefly tell him what I can about what happened on the hill. He seems to sort of understand. I guess there’s no way to fully understand what I had gone through. There really is no way anyone will be fully capable of understanding that feeling until they feel it themselves. 

The utter fear and inability to move from the slightest, most gentle and barely a whisper from God.

I don't feel numb anymore. 

In fact, I feel a little different than I did before. Like a patch of skin where you've scraped your knee and the scab had already come and gone. It’s a little discolored and gives a different texture. There’s now a story behind that specific piece of skin. My heart seems to feel like that piece of skin. 

But what now? 

God knows what I do now.

Step by step, day by day. 

I don't expect to feel this way forever. I will always go through stages of life where I feel numb and will need to be reminded of who God is and just how big He really is. Sometimes it takes the scraping fall to know how to stand. 

The whole world seems to be in turmoil these days. I should become the next dictator.

If I was President I would be a dictator. 

I would demand the absolute and utter submission to me as I rule with an iron fist.

The demands and standards I would require would be strict and strongly enforced.

First, if by any means, one person fails to show kindness to their neighbor, no matter how annoying or terrible one may think of them, they will be strictly taken by law enforcement and will be forced to spend 24 hours in a closed room with such neighbor and confront their issues and discuss solutions to their disagreements.

Secondly, everyone is required to garden. There should be a permanent stain of soil in the creases of every hand and foot. Anyone who does not abide by the law requiring them to garden and be outdoors in the sunshine, will be forced to spend a week in the wilderness living off the land and connecting to nature. The minimum amount of time spent each day outdoors is  at very minimum 2 hours. A day spent 10 out of 12 hours outdoors in highly recommended. 

Thirdly, every single human being, animal, living creature, animated or not, must love. There is absolutely no exception for this law. Love will rule all. Before one judges, they must first love. Before one speaks, they must first love. Before any and every action, one must ALWAYS consider how they can continue with love as their guide. 

Fourthly, violence is unacceptable. For anyone who enacts violence of ANY kind will be immediately forced to sit in a closed room by themselves and will be forced to contemplate the real issue causing them to become violent. If this first stage of punishment fails to accomplish the cleansing of such violence, a second, more severe action will take place. This punishment is only in the most severe conditions and only considered after a court rule in which I will ALWAYS be present for. This act of punishment will require the person of violence to sit in a chair, cuffed and secure, they will then be scolded directly in their face, calmly and sternly by my mother. She will scare the violence straight out of such person. 

Fifthly, if a person senses themselves on the verge of violence, they will be interviewed and given one of two options. If in such case, the act of violence is caused by the acts of another person, refer to the first law. If however the act of violence is a repercussion from a life tragedy or terrible sorrow/loss, they will be immediately taken to a room where they will be given a second set of two options. The first being a tea and chat session with a councilor and the second option being to be placed in a room full of big fluffy white pillows. They will then be allowed to release their tension causing violence on the pillows. If this "pillow" treatment fails to release the person of such desires of violence, they will then be sent back to the councilor for tea and chat time to talk about the true causes for their violent feelings. 

I will rule all with the bible in my right hand the the most highly trained committee to the left of me. With such unit behind me, I will rule until the day I die.

I am your dictator, Summer Hughes, the leader who massacred pillows, not people.  

quiet people have the loudest minds

Spinning like the seamstress spindle, the mind trails and wonders and functions through the steampunk mix between vines of creative thought and gears of structured thinking. “Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Silence is oh so necessary for the functionality in the mind. The silence allows the air to move freely between the nooks and crannies of the mind’s inner workings. The silence is like a blank canvas. Allowing an infinite of possibilities. This beginning emptiness, this blank page, is the foundation and birthplace of all creativity, love, intellection, wisdom, and all things excreted from the mind. 

the greatest love affair

the greatest love story every told was between the pen and its beloved paper. Forever destined to dance in their perpetual love affair.