To my son or daughter:

1. Always smile at or tip/raise your hat at people. Be kind and respectful. Esspecially to your elders and to waiters and to homeless people and to bosses and to children and to anyone and everyone you see. Be kind to all no matter if they are mean to you are just different than you
2. Be strong. Watch out for your siblings. Take care of them. Love them. 
3. You are stunning and wonderful. This is proven. 
4. When you use other people’s bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens, ANYTHING, ALWAYS leave it cleaner than you found it. 
5. If you want to play sports PLAY SPORTS! If you want to draw DRAW! if you want to dance, DANCE! You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You can be a painter or you can be a lawyer. You can enter the army or become a “dirtbag”. Just make sure you do something you are passionate about. 
6. You are strong and you're aloud to cry. The strongest people are able to cry and the strongest people know how to be soft and gentle. 
7. Don't ever get someone red roses. Find out their favorite flower and get them it. It will always set you apart. 
8. Remember to smile. If you inherit my chronic bitch face then this is going to be a big one. Be conscious of how your resting face may look to the people around you. You are so kind. Let people know it!
9. You can like musicals or football games or both. Your interests do not define you. What defines you is how much love you give. Always love. 
10. Stand tall and hold your chin high. You are a child of God. Royalty in the eyes of heaven. And with such great honor comes great responsibility. 
11. I love you. I may scream. I may yell. I'm not perfect. And neither are you. But love. Love by God is perfect. And I love you so much. I haven't even met your father yet but I know he will love you, my child. 
12. You're aloud to dye your hair blue and join a rock band or leave it long and be a parent or get a unique cut and become a fairy princess or a forest warrior if you please. I want you to express yourself. Just be smart about it. 
13. You are intelligent. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. Pursue your curiosities about ideas and discover new things and then tell me about them!
14. And most of all remember, I love you and I will always love you. No matter what. My love for you is unconditional, though I haven't even met you yet, even that is a condition I will love beyond. 

a thought that has been running laps in my head for a while now

“I don’t like to be chased. As soon as I am I will only run farther.”

Lol. Let me specify. This only holds true for most people. 

But for some people...it is a lie

Here is a...word...thing... to clarify:

Trampling through bushes and crawling under branches

I flee in either direction

dependent on winds to carry me

I leap from one moss covered rock to another

and often times take swims in nearest bodies of water

I dance alongside the road

never fully captured by it or its passengers

I am a wild creature of nature

Ever changing

I myself, am a lost boy, from Neverland.

Lost not in the sense of searching for home

but rather in a search for adventure

I follow my instincts 

I rely on my animalistic state to carry me through

Running and dancing and climbing and falling and repeating

I love to move

Eager for change and craving summits above the clouds

I rarely stand still

As rarely as I stand still

equally as rare is it to find a soul that is daring

willing

adventurous enough to follow me

Only then do I love to be followed

I will not slow down

I will not make it easy

and I will not give warning

So when I say 

“Do not follow me.” It is more for your sake than mine.

I wish not to frighten you

I wish not to harm you

I wish not to lose you

For I fear that if any who dare to follow me will stop halfway 

and turn around forever

I love the chase

I love when someone pushes me to speak

I love when I am asked the questions no one dares to ask

I love when someone cares enough to fight for understanding

Because...to be honest...I love to tell

But only to those deemed willing...how utterly rude of me. Oh well. 

Survival of the fittest much? 

Maybe.

But, hey, that’s me

and i’ll never apologize for that. 

Again I find myself wandering...

Again I find myself wandering into a world familiarly different from the present
perhaps proceeding from exhaustion.
But again I find myself wandering
Wavering hearts do find themselves often in times of bushwhacking
retching through wilderness of backcountry mindsets.
Hearts grow weary when not tousled into action upon demand.
In their weary state they find themselves traveling through valleys of confusion
grabbing hold to all living things in sight.
Hoping and praying that each new seedling will grow into a great and unbreakable redwood.

Again I find myself wandering into a mind of relentless inaction
perhaps derived from lack of pursuit.
But again I find myself wandering
Wavering hearts do find themselves often in times of despair
dragging through mud piles of swamp-filled troughs.
Hearts grow anxious when not aroused into laughter upon intention.
In their state of exhaustion they see themselves reflecting lost love in present days
carrying baggage of all past endeavours.
Singing and dancing to the melodies of old songs once sung into the winds of joyous occasion.

Again I find myself wandering into a state of resolving old phantasms
perhaps sourced by revelation.
But again I find myself wandering
Wavering hearts do find themselves often times in a state of monotones
pulling themselves to find peace in solitude.
Hearts grow calm when realized truth in future hold still beyond them.
In their holding state of the waiting game they find themselves rejuvenated by stillness
resting on mountain peaks of glory.
Inhaling and exhaling the fresh air of summits to which they reside upon until rescue.

Again I find myself wandering into a new conscience
one of peace and return to rooted states
here I find myself hence beginning again
the agonous wait for humble strong approach
to melt the frozen state to which I have my heart.
Again I find myself wandering.
Wandering aimlessly with no direction
and finding ultimate pleasure in such existence
until fulfillment decided to dance my way.

Word Dump: (verb) to place a load of passages that have been writting on scraps of paper and post-it notes and dirty napkins and finally placing them all in a place that isn't as easily lost.

This is a word dump from most recent to oldest:

2-9-16
I think the atmosphere in which I switch the worst is when I feel the most comfortable.

12-24-15
Eden is an ecosphere balancing on a stringless dangle in the light emanating from the Glory of God

8-10-15
The sidelines persona, the back side effect, the people who dwell under the leaves of bushes, hidden in the brush by tall trees, the ones who tend to go about unseen, unnoticed. These are my favorite because they hold a secret joy that is only ever seen through fighting through their pain. The most precious of lights, those that go untarnished by the society around them and are kept hidden under brick walls, these are my favorite treasures of discovery.

6-23-15
I have been an artist from the day I discovered color. I do all things with creative intent. I write I draw I paint I sculpt. I can't help but create. My life is art. I crave music, intellect, and adventure. I eat, sleep, breathe art and creativity.

6-15-15
I don't want to date someone. I'm really not all that interested in pursuing a romantic relationship any time soon. Too much anxiety. I want to travel the world and experience other cultures and try new foods and make ridiculous stories to tell. If someone wants to join me then cool. But I don't want to wait around for anybody because I'm not even waiting for myself.

6-3-15
Mom: lightning in her veins. Fierce love in her heart.

3-2-15
Unconditional love is not the same as unconditional approval of one's behavior.

2-7-15
We live in a solely photographed world. A place where your life, your social status, your possibility of being accepted, your attractiveness is based on how many people double tap as the quickly scroll through your life. Our self value, our self worth is based completely on the decision a person makes in half a second as we pass through time blinded by pixelated screens.

11-29-14
I wish I was art

My life is a series of whirlpools working against each other. Never finding rhythm and never moving straight. I, like nature itself, am ever changing state

Candles lit and Rain is a tapping

I am currently procrastinating. How odd of me. I don't know why but my heart seems to feel a bit empty. It has been full so often lately that it is even more clear when it is empty. My heart is peaceful but empty. Seemingly unsettled but yet settled. It is as if, for a moment, my heart cannot bear the lack of turmoil or desire. I've just returned from being stuck in a car with people I have not known for long, traveling to beautiful places, but yet alone in my heart. I was surrounded by company, I have been surrounded since this adventure started a while ago, but I still feel slightly alone. I am not ready. I know this. I still have time to grow and learn and change and be the person I desire to be yet I wish I could just be that now. I wish it and I don't wish it. I like where I am in this stage of life yet I want it to be over and move on from it. Once again, I am a split person, two sides in constant battle with one another. Such turmoil subsides from time to time but never am I released from it.

Meditation of Today

My train of thought is quite scrambled due to the constant ring of "cancel all thoughts" running rampant in my skull. I'm preparing for something yet falling completely stagnant. My heart yearns for something...else. But what of my options does it truly desire? Am I lost in the isolation and forgetting the sky above me is vast or is this the reality of my existence eternally? From desires to love to reminders of time's limitations I find myself angry and with a fleeing heart. With every subtle notion of vulnerability leaked into space I coil into myself and wish not only nothing more to be let out but to retrieve that which has already been released. Slight side comments are played endlessly in my mind as I try to focus on whatever I am trying to focus on. Was it truth? Was it intentional? Does it carry hidden meaning? Am I just now picking up on a message being sent underneath joking smiles and jocular diction? Or am I once again digging into empty soil in search for roots that do not exist. Cancel all thoughts. Cancel all thoughts. Agh the pain of having to pull myself back to reality only makes me yearn more for the beyond. Perhaps infatuation has once again reared its deceptive head into my corner. Have I yet learned anything from my past romantic failures? Nevermore, it is time to flee. Off into the trees and between creeks and streams I run. Run from my thoughts until someone willing decides to chase after me and follow into the wild. Best of luck to those who may try and are destined to fail. For I am an uncatchable sprint, lost in translation and destined for a world that as yet to exist presently and carry a love that seems impossible to reciprocate.