Candles lit and Rain is a tapping

I am currently procrastinating. How odd of me. I don't know why but my heart seems to feel a bit empty. It has been full so often lately that it is even more clear when it is empty. My heart is peaceful but empty. Seemingly unsettled but yet settled. It is as if, for a moment, my heart cannot bear the lack of turmoil or desire. I've just returned from being stuck in a car with people I have not known for long, traveling to beautiful places, but yet alone in my heart. I was surrounded by company, I have been surrounded since this adventure started a while ago, but I still feel slightly alone. I am not ready. I know this. I still have time to grow and learn and change and be the person I desire to be yet I wish I could just be that now. I wish it and I don't wish it. I like where I am in this stage of life yet I want it to be over and move on from it. Once again, I am a split person, two sides in constant battle with one another. Such turmoil subsides from time to time but never am I released from it.