Am I even good at anything?

Sometimes I ask myself this question but it is always asked when scrolling through something like instagram where everyone only ever puts their best face forward. But I just can't do that. When I see the perfect lives posted on instagram my only thought is, "wow, am I even good at anything at all? Am I traveling the world taking stunning photographs of my experiences, am I a yogi master with limbs like playdo? I know for a fact I do not fit the oh so admirable mold of the ideal "hipster" so it's not like my instagram page is any sort of theme or color sequence or cool thing with hundred of likes on pictures as simple and pointless as  my morning cup of tea." None of that is what I want out of life anyway.  I find what it beautiful and I like to share it but I wish there was a day when everyone could share more than the obvious beauty but rather the honest beauty. The rolls and curves and acne and ugly crying. I want to see the human in people. But to be honest, the only reason I want everyone else to be honest about themselves is because I crave to be honest about myself. And of course society and engraved in me that I am only ever capable and allowed to to what is accepted by the social norm. No matter how free spirit a person is or says they are or tries to be, everyone is always holding some honest part of themselves back. That is the piece I want to see. Those moment that no one else sees. The moments when you're alone in your apartment and you are doing nothing but thinking and being yourself. Your true and honest self. The one who doesn't hold in their stomach or try to look good while lounging because admit it, even if there is only one person in the room, no one is comfortable. Everyone is still putting on a face. A fake front to impress. So when I find myself with nothing much to do and wanting a spark of inspiration, I failingly turn to something like instagram. However, this always backfires at me because I only ever become discouraged. With only ever seeing the actually picture perfect "lives" in front of me I am given a false sense of how things should be or how society demands them to be. Everyone has to be unique but also fit in. Everyone has to be creative and come up with new ideas but only the new ideas that are or will be accepted by all the top notch fashion bloggers. What complete and tter bullshit. It really is horrifying. I really only like instagram because I like the filters and edits it provides and it allows a place for me to put my documentations in an accessible place so that I may go back one day and find some long forgotten memory from my own life. That's it. Its really just a storage unit that others are blessed to be apart of. So why ever treat it otherwise. I don't want to go into a business where I rely on the media or the internet or any computer like object for my income or my passion. I want to make art. If the world requires a digital documentation of it to live, fine, I'll deal, but to solely rely on electronics as your form or creative outlet? I am simply not built that way. I commend those who are and enjoy such things. I enjoy typing and messing with the possibilities of electronics, but when it comes to getting in the zone, when my true creativity comes out, it has to be raw. It has to be organic. It has to be tangible. It has to be part of reality. Not digiality. I know it is different for other people, but for me, I just can't handle the idea of being so infested in a form of social media like instagram that it becomes my livelihood, to document my life for other's entertainment, and then get paid to advertise, like a living breathing walking billboard. I'm sorry but that just seems so absolutely fake. Sorry, sometimes I feel this way after going on instagram. But that is my rant. The End.